Always
by LimeGreenLollyPops
Summary: Severus always loved Lily... A song-fic to Always by Bon Jovi


**A/N: Hi :) Hope you enjoy my story! Also there is a bit of a time jump after the 8th paragraph just in case it gets a bit confusing.  
****Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter by JK Rowling or Always by Bon Jovi**

Severus watched her through his long, dark curtain of hair. She smiled beautifully as she laughed with her friends. The sunshine glinted off her hair, making it shine like the sky as the first rays of the sun rose above the ocean. The sound of her laughter drifted over to him, filling the air around him with tinkling bells. He tried to focus on the book he was reading. Admittedly, it wasn't all that bad, "Analyzing the Origins of Spells," but he couldn't focus. He couldn't take his eyes off her.

**_This Romeo is bleeding, but you can't see his blood  
_**

**_It's nothing but some feelings  
_**

**_That this old dog kicked up  
_**

**_It's been raining since you left me_**

**_Now I'm drowning in the flood _**

**_You see I've always been a fighter _**

**_But without you I give up_**

Lily Evans had been his constant companion for most of his life. She had helped him move past the hardest days, and helped him to be strong. When he couldn't bare his mother and father yelling, Lily had always been there, always provided a tender ear and helpful advice. Without her, he didn't think he could have withstood the greater part of his childhood. She had taught him to be strong, taught him that no matter how bad things seemed right now, they would always get better. But since they had stopped talking, it had been hard. Hard to keep convincing himself that it will all be ok, hard to move past the taunts and remarks that so many people threw at him.

**_Now I can't sing a love song _**

**_Like the way it's meant to be _**

**_Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore _**

**_But baby, that's just me _**

He did not try to ignore them though. Every taunt, every remark made by others was followed by an equally scathing one of his own. But that only added fuel to the ever-growing inferno. She had helped him before, defended him when no one else would. She was his solid rock that he could always rely on. But then he took a pickaxe to that rock, and it all blew apart in his face.  
He had tried to tell her he loved her a million times. Tried to tell her how smart and caring she was, how she lit up his world with a smile. Every time he tried the words would get stuck in his throat, forever unable to pass his lips. He had never shared his feelings before, never had anyone to share them with before, until Lily, but still he was unable to express how much she meant to him.

**_Yeah I, will love you, baby _**

**_Always and I'll be there _**

**_Forever and a day, always_**

He loved her so much it hurt to breathe.  
She was more important to him than oxygen. He needed her,  
He always tried so hard to be the friend she needed and maybe, in time, she might feel they same way about him. He bought her flowers and chocolates but was always too afraid to give them to her in person. Lily was overjoyed at these gifts, but Severus could never tell her they were from him.

**_I'll be there, till the stars don't shine_**

**_Till the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme _**

**_I know when I die you'll be on my mind _**

**_And I'll love you, always _**

It was a mistake to involve himself in that group. The "Death Eaters" they called themselves. They were malicious and evil people, put at least at some level, they too knew of the pain and anger in his heart.  
Potions was his outlet. He was a gifted and talented student who absorbed himself in his work. The Half Blood Prince was a pseudonym he created for himself. He thought it was clever but terribly apt and horrible. It was a title he had created through play on words, but he referred to it only to himself, afraid that someone would discover the truth that hid in those words. His spells were his own creations, a hobby, never really to be used. It hurt him so much when they were used against him.

**_Now your pictures that you left behind _**

**_Are just memories of a different life _**

**_Some that made us laugh _**

**_Some that made us cry _**

**_One that made you have to say goodbye _**

He slowly pulled a photo from out of his robe pocket. It was crumpled and faded, but it was the most precious thing he had. Severus smiled at his and Lily's smiling faces staring out at him. It was a muggle photograph, so they didn't move. But Severus didn't mind, he wanted them to freeze in that moment of happiness, never having to feel the estrangement that they felt today.  
His eyebrows wrinkled together as he remembered that day. He was so angry, so tired, and so ashamed. Potter had pushed him to his breaking point and all Lily tried to do was help. But instead of thanking her for being the only one that seemed to care, he insulted her. He hurt her feelings so badly with that one word that he lost the only thing that mattered to him in the world.

**_What I'd give to run my fingers thru your hair _**

**_Touch your lips, to hold you near, _**

**_When you say your prayers, try to understand _**

**_I've made mistakes; I'm just a man _**

He longed to be near her again. He missed the way she would drape her arm around his shoulder and walk with him, not caring if anyone saw or what anyone would think. He missed the way she would lean her head against his shoulders when she was tired and how her hair would smell of strawberries no matter what time of day. He longed for just once to feel the soft touch of her sweet pink lips against his.  
He tried to apologize to her a million times, tried to show her how much he was sorry for how he had acted, how he had gotten in with such a wrong group of boys, but the chasm he sawn between them could never be crossed.

**_When he holds you close, when he pulls you near _**

**_When he says the words _**

**_You've been needing to hear, I'll wish I was him _**

**_'Cause these words are mine, to say to you _**

**_'Til the end of time _**

His heart plummeted every time he saw her with James Potter. He had despaired when he saw that Potter gave her all the things he could not. James Potter had always loved her and that hurt him, for he loved Lily, but he had always been safe in knowing that Lily despised Potter, almost as much as he did.  
But that all changed, Potter was the one to comfort Lily when he had hurt her. Potter was the one that got to hold her tight.  
He wished he had been as confident as Potter, as ready to tell Lily that he loved her, but he forever sat in the shadows. He wished he were the one to hold Lily, instead of Potter. For if he was able to hold her, he would never let her go.

**_If you told me to cry for you, I could _**

**_If you told me to die for you, I would _**

**_Take a look at my face _**

**_There's no price I won't pay _**

**_To say these words to you _**

He would do anything to see her smile at him again. He would cross any sea and any mountain. He braved the wrath of the Dark Lord to keep her safe. He begged Dumbledore to help him protect her and her family. He risked death becoming a double agent for him, but he wouldn't have regretted it for a second.  
He hoped and prayed that Dumbledore may find a way to protect her, but she died. He was the first person to find her body, so cold and so lifeless, on the ground.  
Severus Snape wept over his love's body, desperately trying to restore his beautiful Lily to her former vibrant self. Finally the sobs and screams quieted.  
"Please," he rasped, "I'm sorry."

**_Well, there ain't no luck in these loaded dice _**

**_But baby, if you give me __just one more try _**

**_We can pack up our old dreams, and our old lives, _**

**_We'll find a place, where the sun still shines_**

His patronus was a doe, the same as her. It was the only way he could show how much she meant to him. Patronuses are the embodiment of a person's soul. To him, Lily was his soul, his life, his happiness. He had tried to be good in the end. Tried to do his best by her memory. He did everything he could to help her son, and was glad that her eyes were the last things he saw before he died.  
He gave Harry his memories, so that he could understand how much he cared for his mother, how he wasn't the completely horrible person that he thought he was.

As he died, he smiled. Finally he would be able to see Lily again, tell her how sorry he was and maybe, just maybe, she would forgive him. They would never be together, he knew that now. He saw the way that Lily looked at James, how much she loved him, and he accepted that, albeit with a heavy heart. All he wanted to do was tell her how much he cared for her. For in his own way he had always loved Lily Evans.

Always had and always will.

**A/N: Thank you for reading :) Sorry for any errors!  
****Please review if you have the time! :)**


End file.
